My Live-In-Style Talk
Just wanted to share…please pray….
As a teenager, I worked very hard trying to make people believe that I was important… I wanted them to think they needed me. But if we are honest with ourselves, isn’t that what we do. Our interactions with friends are opportunities to try and be “the funniest person,” “the sweetest person,” “the most helpful person”, “the most beautiful person”. You see, my need to belong, be noticed, liked, appreciated, and accepted…yah, it was out of control. I thought that I had successfully fooled everyone into believing I was significant and that life could not go on without me…, and then I went to Africa. I chose to spend a semester of my junior year overseas and when I came back, my friends had moved on in life without me. They didn’t seem to need me anymore, which was a very scary place to be. I was determined to show them that I still belonged and that they did need me.
By the end of my junior year I had become very peer dependent. My attitudes had changed, my appearance had changed, and my desires had shifted…and it was not in a positive direction. My parents and I wrestled our way through my senior year. Now, I want you to understand, drinking, drugs, and sex weren’t my issue. No, my issue was that my choices began to compromise what I believed…what I stood for, and it was ruining my Christian witness. My battles were with materialism, selfishness, deceit, disobedience, apathy…but Oh my goodness, nothing compared with my biggest challenge… fashion and modesty. In order to belong, I felt I needed to look, be, and act like my peers. I was a mess! Can any of you relate?
I started to show up at school with pointed spike heels, tight blue jeans and tight tops that occasionally showed a hint of cleavage. I learned how to make a seemingly “modest” outfit look sexy. It wasn’t hard… you know the outfit is only half the math; it was all about how I carried the outfit… with an air of confidence, and a bit of attitude that communicated, ”I’m hot and I know it.” Oh trust me girls, I know right now you are probably saying, “What’s the big deal if it’s just a little bit of cleavage.” Or, “You really can’t help it today, that’s all they sell in the stores.”…No excuses! The problem wasn’t my fashion…it was my heart. In my heart I wasn’t dressing to honor Christ, I was dressing to entice. I knew it! Anyone can dress fashionably without compromising modesty…I simply chose not to.
Little did I know that my appearance was carrying me right into a world that was so not me, a group I wasn’t prepared for. My friends were all about their “looks! All about buying clothes…the latest and trendiest fashion! And… they were all about impressing guys! Guys took their cues as to how to treat me by the image I was promoting. They would flirt with me and call me “hot” or “sexy”. I hated it, and felt so lost trying to be someone that I wasn’t. I was finally getting the attention that I worked so hard to get, but it wasn’t the attention I wanted. I knew there was more to me, but the world didn’t care. They seemed to be happy with this. So, I became very materialistic, thinking that would fill the void I felt in my life.
You’ll laugh at this one…for those of you who know me, I have a shoe fetish. One day I went crazy. I went to Burlington Coat Factory and bought 6 pairs of shoes… They were on sale…I couldn’t pass them up! My bank account took a nosedive, and I had bounced checks coming in for a week. Ya, those shoes…they ended up costing me a mint. And then there was the parental drama. My mom was stunned. “You really don’t get it do you??? She said. They were desperately trying to figure out a way for me to afford college…and I was spending money on shoes…many pairs of shoes and other clothes as well. Lots of drama…lots of tears that year.
Well ladies, I am here to tell you that you have a powerful influence in the lives of young men you interact with. Men were created to physically desire our bodies. We, women, can use this power to either build them up or tear them down. They are very visual, physical beings and can easily be tempted to lust simply by a girl wearing immodest clothes or by her flirtatious behaviors. An attraction or a distraction? The choice is yours every day in the way you dress, move, touch, talk, and simply in the attitude you display.
And by the way…do you know that you can look “sexy” even when your body is covered up? My mom would call me out on my fashion…I still remember some of her comments, “you look sexy today dear…are you sure that is the look you want to promote?” Or “Look in the mirror and if you and God agree that the way you look will represent Him well, then I am OK with it.” It would make me so angry because for the most part my body was covered.
So lets make a list of things that might give us a “sexy look” and cause a guy to lust?
I think we would all agree that
Tattoos, Body Piercings, Cleavage showing, your mid drift showing, and short skirts and shorts can be very sexy. But lets list some other things that could give the appearance of looking sexy:
Spike heels
Tight clothes
Messy hair
Dramatic make-up
Dark nail polish
Tall boots
Perfume
Acrylic nails
Scented lip-gloss
Big earrings
Ankle Bracelets
Padded bras
My mom would say none of these things in and of themselves are wrong to wear. However you have to wear them carefully…maybe one or two at a time, so it doesn’t give the overall appearance of being sexy. Let me show you.
By summer I finally started to get it. I began to realize that life was so much bigger than my social life, the latest fashions, the sportiest cars, the coolest gadgets, or having popular friends. I realized I was more than a body for people to look at. I had so much more of me I wanted to share with people. But most of all I realized that my value did not rest in what my friends thought about me…I now understood that I was important to God and my family, and that is what really mattered and was enough for me.
But… those struggles, those tear, the restlessness I felt that year had a great purpose…I’m closer to my family now, my relationship with the Lord is stronger, I have stronger convictions, and a stronger desire to serve others. I have no idea where I would be today if it wasn’t for God in my life and the accountability we had established through our deep family relationships.
It took a year for me to begin to unfold my story. Two words describe my senior year… “Very Dark!” Mom asked me, “What was it that caused you to hang on and not completely abandon your faith, your family, or your church. I laughed and said, “This had nothing to do with my hanging on. God and my family, just wouldn’t let go of me…its not about what I did…it’s all about God’s redeeming grace.”
Published on 19 Apr 2008 at 5:23 pm.
1 Comment.
Filed under What I'm Learning.
Thanks for sharing this with us Sheryce!!
I really enjoy reading your blog!!
It’s making me more and more excited about Covenant!!
Emma on 23 Apr 2008 at 1:17 am.