A word we have all heard millions of times. Whether it was people asking forgiveness from us, us asking forgiveness from other people, or others telling us about our obligation to forgive one another. It’s funny how often you can hear a word and still not completely understand it. I am still learning what forgiveness is and God continues to give me situations in life to teach me more what it means. One thing that I have learned recently is that forgiveness is not a choice as a Christian. We are all called to forgive. We all know of the man who asks Jesus how many times is one required to forgive his brother and Jesus’ response is 70×7. I think of this and say, “Okay, I get it…I am called to forgive my brothers and sisters over and over again.” It seems like a daunting task, but a clear one at that. But where I get lost I think is what forgiveness actually looks like and what it actually means. I can tell myself that I forgive someone; I can put a smile on my face and tell myself that I have gotten past what that person did to hurt me just because I know it’s the right thing to do. But have I really gotten past it, have I really forgiven them? My flesh holds onto wrongs committed against me tightly, taking pleasure in feeling that it can bask in another’s faults and forget about my own. In order to forgive though, I must humble myself.
Forgiveness is not a power that I have on my own. Sometimes I feel like it is impossible to forgive people, when I have been so hurt by someone I don’t think that I can ever get past it. However, in my humility, I learn that I too can be found guilty of the same things. I find myself in the same position, on my knees begging for forgiveness. Jesus is the one that has forgiven my sins and the sins of those who have wronged me. It was not I who hung on the cross, pleading to God to forgive the ones who put me there because they, “know not what they do.” So I realize now, that the reason why I am called as a Christian to forgive others is because I am a vessel for Christ so that he can spread his forgiveness on them. It is not my forgiveness to give; it is Christ who makes clean. I don’t know if you have ever felt hopeless, stuck thinking that there is nothing you can do to forgive someone. Humble yourself though; remember that the forgiveness that you bestow on others is a symbol of what Christ did for us. We ALL have sinned against one another, we ALL deserve death. Praise be to God for Jesus Christ who died on the cross for our sins so that we might be wiped clean!

(Disclaimer #1:This is something that I have been thinking and processing through a lot the past couple of months, and I’m still trying to figure it all out. But I hope I was able to make a clear the points I wanted to. If it doesn’t make sense though, talk to me and i’ll try and explain it a little better.
Disclaimer #2: I don’t want you to think that forgiveness is suppose to be an easy task, trust me I know how hard it is. My hope is not to make you guilty so that you will forgive, but that you might feel encouraged knowing that it is not on our own that we forgive but by and through Christ.)

Every semester a group of Covenant students put together a time of song and worship called “Not To Us.” I look forward to these nights all semester. They are an amazing time with God. Last nights was especially great. There was a time of the night when we just knelt and prayed. This was something that I needed to do for months. Coming to the Lord on my knees opening up my heart, and facing the things I try my best to hide. My prayers then turned into singing, praising Christ for his forgiveness and love. The night ended with the song “Day’s of Elijah” and the verse Psalms 115:1. It says, “Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and faithfulness.” What a great night!

Do you like poetry? I have always wanted to really enjoy poetry, I definitely like the idea of it…but sometimes I just think it’s too much work. Why don’t the poets just say what they’re trying to say. Well, I have finally found a poet who will just say what he wants to say. Billy Collins. Billy Collins is a world renown poet and is a former poet laureate. He came to Covenant this week for a poetry reading and a workshop. I went to the reading last night, not really knowing who Billy Collins was but trying to indulge my poetry appetite once again, hoping to be satisfied, and boy was I. The chapel was filled with hundreds of students, teachers, and faculty and boy did he keep our attention. Laughter filled the air throughout his readings which included The Trouble With Poetry, The Lanyard, Marginalia, and many more. My heart was changed about poetry that night and I all my hopes for the art form, I am starting to think they could be right.

On Turning Ten

“The whole idea of it makes me feel
like I’m coming down with something,
something worse than any stomach ache
or the headaches I get from reading in bad light–
a kind of measles of the spirit,
a mumps of the psyche,
a disfiguring chicken pox of the soul.

You tell me it is too early to be looking back,
but that is because you have forgotten
the perfect simplicity of being one
and the beautiful complexity introduced by two.
But I can lie on my bed and remember every digit.
At four I was an Arabian wizard.
I could make myself invisible
by drinking a glass of milk a certain way.
At seven I was a soldier, at nine a prince.

But now I am mostly at the window
watching the late afternoon light.
Back then it never fell so solemnly
against the side of my tree house,
and my bicycle never leaned against the garage
as it does today,
all the dark blue speed drained out of it.

This is the beginning of sadness, I say to myself,
as I walk through the universe in my sneakers.
It is time to say good-bye to my imaginary friends,
time to turn the first big number.

It seems only yesterday I used to believe
there was nothing under my skin but light.
If you cut me I could shine.
But now when I fall upon the sidewalks of life,
I skin my knees. I bleed.”

Today is the birthday of a very special friend of mine, Olivia Perry. Olivia has been one of the most influential and encouraging friends since coming to Covenant. I feel completely blessed to have her in my life. Last night we had a surprise party…or at least an attempted surprise party (I’m pretty sure she knew all about it). We sat around telling Olivia what she meant to us and then played a game.

These are a few words that describe Olivia:
encouraging
loving
ALWAYS joyful
side ponytail
awkward
forgiving
testimony of God’s grace
green shorts
shane and shane
long talks
trouble maker
thoughtful
challenging
athletic
crazy
fun
genuine relationship with Christ
caring
relational
humble

My prayer is that all of you wherever you end up will be able to experience a friend like Olivia. A friend who you grow with. A friend who is always wanting to go deeper with you, to challenge you, to love you, to encourage you. But most importantly a friend who loves Christ. These friends do not come by everyday though. Look closely for them, pray for God to bring such a friend to you, and get excited about how God will use you in their life too.
Well Olivia I love you dearly. I don’t know if I can tell you how much you mean to me! Happy 21st Birthday Sweetie!

Oh boy guys what a day! Yesterday was our first Saturday back at school so us girls decided to have a girls day! We slept in really late and had our traditional Saturday BLT’s in the Great Hall. After lunch we headed shopping! We went to a couple of our favorite stores around Chattanooga that you can get name brand cloths for really cheap. Which I mean what more can you ask for. :) We spent hours trying on cloths for each other, laughing at things that looked horrible and convincing each other of the cloths that were must haves. God protecting us though and we ended shopping very happy at the cloths we got and at the fact we hadn’t completely emptied our banks. After shopping we went to Chile’s for something to eat. All we ordered for us four girls was two orders of cheese dip and a chocolate molten cake. Oh my goodness…life just doesn’t get much better then that. After eating we ran to Wal-Mart to grab some essentials and then headed up the mountain.

By then it was snowing a little bit and Jenae, one of my friends, was a little worried that her car wouldn’t be able to make it back up the mountain. She made it up fine though and the snow stopped and us girls thought it would be great to end the day by getting dressed up in our new cloths and go to see a chick flick at the movies. After the movies we went to meet a few of our other friends at City Cafe, a 24 hour diner off the mountain. By the time we headed back up the mountain it was pretty late, we were very tired, and the roads on Lookout Mountain that had become wet from the snow earlier that day were now icee. Poor Jenae, who is from Florida and really has not idea how to drive on ice, was trying her best to creep very slowly up the mountain. We just couldn’t make it though. We ended up pulling off the road and within ten minutes three other cars ended up stopping where we had stopped. We were all trying to figure out what to do. We were almost to the top of the mountain but really not close enough to walk. As people got out of their cars to figure out what others were doing they were falling all over the slippery roads. One of my roommates ended up falling and pulling her back. So we’re on the side of the road cold, tired, hurt, and had no idea what to do.

Then my roommate Katja remembered that our Chaplin at Covenant, Chaplin Messner, lived close by. We decided that we would walk to their house and see if they wouldn’t mind if we waited there til morning. There were eight of us on the Messner’s porch when we knocked on the door. Mr. and Mrs. Messner opened the door and immediately let us into the warm house. Beds were pulled out and made within minutes. blankets were stacked on top of us, and Katie was given medicine for her back. This morning we woke up and Mrs. Messner asked us to stay for breakfast. When we tried to tell her we didn’t want to impose she said, “Oh come on, it’ll be fun.” So we stayed and Mrs. Messner made homemade pancakes and bacon while we played with their four adorable children. We ended the morning singing a few hymn’s and then listening to the children play instruments to a ‘hymn’ that they made up.

At ten o’clock we stumbled back into our rooms, very tired from our very eventful night. And I know this sounds horrible but we didn’t go to church…we had heard that some of the services had been canceled because of the ice and honestly we had no desire to hit the roads again after our long night. So my first Saturday back at Covenant ended up being much more eventful then I would have ever imagined. And word to the wise for all of you that end up on the mountain…stay clear of the roads when it’s icee. :)

So every semester when you get back to school you have an all dorm meeting with the resident director. They remind you of rules and then give some thoughts on the upcoming semester. This time Amanda, my RD, talked about living in community. She explained that living in community and having unity are two very different things. Many of the halls were convicted. Halls pride themselves on having hall unity, having the most people at events, or eating the most dinners together. But that’s not what community is. Community is not just being together but growing together. Challenging each other and loving each other. Amanda ended by challenging us all to memorize Romans 12.

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads, with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written,”Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary,”if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Goodness it’s been awhile guys, they were working on some internet stuff so I couldn’t post for a couple of days. But now I’m back at school and able to write! Yay! Coming back to school always has mixed feelings for me. It’s always hard to be finished with a break and be ready for school to start again, especially this break for me. It was just an amazing break. On the other hand, you definitely get ready to see all your Covenant friends again and you kind of end up looking forward to having a busy schedule again. So I came back up to school having a wonderful break and ready for another semester at Covenant. I have been to all of my classes and they were all good. I’m taking a lot of education classes now, which are classes that I think are really interesting. But oh my goodness guys, be ready for the first time you sit down and look at everything you have due in a semester. I have learned over the years of being at Covenant that as painful as this can be it is a must to keep up for the rest of the semester. So I have a calender that I put everything in that I have to do and let’s just say my calender has a lot of pencil scratching on it. :) I always get so stressed out, but then I have also learned as the days go on and the weeks continue it all works out. God some how provides enough time to do everything! Praise the Lord for that! So yes, here I am. Back at school, maybe freaking out about classes a little bit, but resting in the fact that God has brought me through five semesters at Covenant and he will be faithful through one more. I hope you all are doing well, back at school wherever that may be! Start the semester off in prayer, it is in His hands!

Sorry guys I know this week has all been about the New Year…which I suppose is appropriate. Hang in there with me though for one more post, this one is really good. My dad gave me the other day the book “The Valley of Vision” which is a collection of puritan prayers and devotions. Anyways as I was flipping through it I came across the prayer for a New Year which I thought that I would share with ya’ll. It’s really good guys, I hope that you too will pray it and find it to be an encouragement to you as it has been to me.

O Lord,
Length of days does not profit me
except the days are passed in they presence
in thy service, to they glory.
Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,
sustains, sanctifies, aides every hour,
that I may not be one moment apart from thee,
but may rely on thy Spirit
to supply every thought,
speak every word,
direct every step,
prosper every work,
build up every mote of faith,
and give me a desire
to show forth thy praise;
testify thy love,
advance thy kingdom.
I launch my bark on the unknown waters
of this year,
with thee, O Father, as my harbour,
thee, O Son, at my helm,
thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.
Guide me to heaven with my loins girt,
my lamp burning,
my ear open to thy calls,
my heart full of love,
my soul free.
Give me thy grace to sanctify me,
thy comforts to cheer,
thy wisdom to teach,
thy right hand to guide,
thy counsel to instruct,
thy law to judge,
thy presence to stabilize.
May thy fear be my awe,
thy triumphs my joy.

Go into this next year covered with prayer. May this year hold exactly what God has planned for us!

It’s that time of year again. I have to admit I don’t remember the last time I made New Year’s resolutions, but hey why not? I mean yes it is very possible that they will be broken within the first month, but it will be good to at least have some sort of idea of ambitions I have for this next year. So here they are. :)

*Read more books for pleasure (I have so many that I have and want to read, I think this year is the perfect year for that) *Organize my days more so that I don’t waste so much time in them *Find an older lady to disciple me *Look for more opportunities to minister *Find a cause that I’m passionate about and fight for it *Be better at keeping up with old friends *Learn the soldier boy dance *Start a study on what the Bible says about Trust *Find a way to encourage a complete stranger *Do something that I’ve always wanted to do *Save up enough spare change to buy something that I’ve always wanted but never had enough guts to buy *Go to one of my high school sports games *Clean out my boxes I have at home *Go on a road trip *Start a portfolio for when I become a teacher *Keep hold of my SCOTS Card! *Make my goal grades for all my classes *Go to a wedding *Go to a funeral *Hold a new born baby *Make friends with a new family at my church *Get involve with a church *Be apart of a Bible Study *Go on a long hike *Go camping *Go fishing *Love everything that I do

I’m sure there will be more, but I think that’s plenty to start with. lol. Goodness I have a lot to do! I’m gonna go and get a head start on it!

Tonight I went to a sushi night. I know I know not the traditional thing to do on New Year’s Eve, but it was so good. A friend of mine who goes to a local college new some foreign exchange students from Japan and wanted them to have something fun to do on the holiday so she threw a sushi night. We got all the fixin’s for sushi: rice, crab, shrimp, cucumber, avocado, tuna fish and mayo (recommended by the Japanese group as being really good), and cream cheese (which I had never even heard of putting on your sushi before. I’m glad that Haruka, one of the Japanese girls, was there to help us with the sushi. I think it would have ended up being a mess! But because of Haruka it was a success!!! We ate so much and had so much left over! After our big meal we played lots of games and just sat around and talked. We just laughed at ourselves when it hit eleven and we were all pooped. But I was determined to stay and see the ball drop. We drank tea and hot chocolate and pitied the people from New York we saw on the television outside in the seven degree weather. Finally, after counting down and seeing the ball drop I made some sushi to go and headed home. It was such a sweet night of fellowship with old friends and new friends too! Well Happy New Year’s everyone!